"Hope" Kills......

Perhaps I wasn’t right when I used to say that there is nothing which can make life to stop, irrespective of all life moves on. The word “hope” can be most deadly of all, it seems now I am in practice of being the victim of this notorious creation. I tried all the ways but I can assure you there is no way out from it. I had seen this happening with others and I used to think that they and letting themselves in weak position, but today I can’t be more sure on the very fact that it’s not just you lose your way out but also unknowingly close other possible ways out.

Although I never got a commitment but this “hope” was always there; a slightest possible chance of getting something desirable can drive you to the paths that would lead to only disappointments. I learnt it not once, not twice but thrice and until that day the “hope” was still there. But now finally I learnt the difference between getting there and being there, the whole world changes in these two scenarios. Life would never be the same now, in past years I had my shades of joy and sadness but this wasn’t the way I expected my “hope” to end leaving me shattered. At times I feel why this always happens to me, when ever I start “hoping” something; it goes off leaving me shattered like this. Am I always wrong in making my decisions or is it my fate? What ever it may be but this experience from the past has taught me the most important lesson of life which is commitment. There are few persons involved in this journey with which I shared my thoughts and feeling, they really helped me throughout and I know they also are saddened about this abrupt ending.

But life moves on and I have learnt this fact again. It’s not like I can’t be happy anymore, I know this is not the end of world. I can still be happy but had it been the case that she was the reason of my happiness; I couldn’t have asked anything more. Anyways I can still get reasons to smile. I have decided one thing that from now on I won’t “hope” but see the irony I am “hoping” I would be able to withstand my past. Now at times I feel that happy endings are only possible in books and fairy-tales.

Tough Lessons......
The hardest moment in life is not when you lose something and tears come out of your eyes…it is when you know you are losing something and you are forced to smile. Sometimes you learn unknowing from peers and exactly the same happened few days back when I learnt the above cruel truth.

How many times this might have happened with you that in the first interaction you started liking a person? the possibility is quite slick and the same happened with my friend when he met this girl for the first time. My friend is just a boy next door; miles away from any unnecessary troubles, a true happy go lucky person until few days back. While having a small introduction with a new intern it never struck to him that he is going to regret (I hope not) for that moment. With the first meet my friend and this special one got quite impressed with each other and they started interacting at times for official reasons and most of times just like that. It looks initially they like each other’s company a lot. Adding to injury these two got into a skit together; a dancing act in a play where they were couple. These small initial meetings were so influencing that this guy started thinking seriously about their future ahead but unfortunately the girl was a real juvenile, a careless one who with her charm impressed the audience every where she went. As a result the girl was surrounded with many other one just like my friend and he became just another good friend. He tried quite impulsively to forget about her but he wasn’t able to get over this feeling and day by day the trouble got deeper and deeper.

He with all his failing effort to move on normally like he used to do in past, started getting into a partial depression. Now the happy go lucky guy wasn’t the same old one. He was not able to convince himself that the feeling he is having is actually not just an infatuation but it was start of a new chapter in his life: His unknown first love which he tried a lot to suppress but this feeling is not a code bug which can be correct by a bug-fix. The logic which he used to calculate for his life started failing and nothing was logical now, he was not able to understand this until the day of departure of the girl came. With long list of friends to see off this girl was real busy when my friend tried to let the girl know what he feels about her. This was the very first time he was irrationally convinced that he is in love with this girl and he didn’t want to lose this opportunity. He had learn one more fact in life that success isn’t a matter of being & winning the race; success is a matter of handling the worst and finishing the race. Perhaps he really had hard luck that day as he till last minutes didn’t get a chance to express his feeling to her and came back with a heavy heart.

While seeing her off he was still smiling in acknowledge to the glimpse he got from her. It was the hardest thirty seconds in his life when he had to smile with a chocked heart, today he had leant a tough lesson from the library of life.