When it finally happened!!

What happened? I don’t know it; do you think you can guess? Well the answer is NO, no one can guess what happened cause even I am also in quite shock on what happened but it just happened ; in a flash when I lost all my logics and sophistication; became a real nerd….. Very funny, I couldn’t stop laughing on me when I think over what I did, and here it goes what happened that day:

Dated: 31st Jan 2007
Time: 9:30 PM

Let’s go back in time and then start the story; I came out of office as usual with full of thoughts and my next day list of action items. Today I also booked my tickets for home. When I got on to bus I never knew what I am going to do tonight which will going to be written in this way; but when it has to happen it just happened. I saw her getting on sitting in vicinity and then it struck me for the first time: that today is the day; as usual reading my guide “Atlas Shrugged” for the entire time seeing the traffic outside from the window and counting down the time left to reach home and then we were near the home getting off from the bus amusing by the number of people that day were left with us. It was only we two (Probably I was blind myself as I couldn’t see anything else). We almost started and walked together for long time but as my usual practice I didn’t even give a glare and was on the move but today it was the other day when I had to do the unthinkable so I didn’t lose my way this time as I did everyday when get an intimacy; heart started beating too fast as if I was about to get it on my mouth the very next moment. We were together and I got the first glimpse of those eyes, face which I wanted to see from such small distance from so long and so impulsively. I couldn’t gather enough courage to pour out my feeling even then but then just when I thought today is the same old story repeat; she stopped for a moment and I found my self standing stuck to the road as if all my consciousness, my active mind have got out of my control; the tsunami of the thoughts in my head and heart created greater chaos than it would have happened on 26th Dec 2004 when it struck my continent. I stood still staring at her with blank mind and choked heart. She did notice this time and was cautious in her moves but the decision for the day was already taken by the decision maker for the day and here I was on the crowded road, waiting her to pass by and when it happened I almost cried out her name, she with amusing expression looked back and I can assure that she must have expected something similar tonight when I stopped by. I hurried to her and asked for a moment. Yes and this is when I said to my self; it’s now or never; I insisted on to have a walking conversation with her and thankfully she agreed to it. First obvious question came to me was she didn’t know me; I am so good in giving my introduction to everyone I meet but today I was barely able to pronounce my name correctly. I poured my heart in front of her and then came the obvious and expected reply (I am saying obvious and expected because my active mind did tell me what’s the outcome); I am not going to mention that here. It’s really amazing what I wanted to say from months was said in a minute and with no effort I had spent hiding my feeling from so long.

This is my little love story with ended sadly on a sad note but I don’t regret to it the only thing that I regret is that I sacrificed my consciousness, my reason, my integrity and my invaluable self-esteem for the one reason which was worth of this all. I couldn’t have been a more happy person after all wining is not always the case but losing to the one you wanted to be a winner and this day I found my win in my loss. This loss is although can’t be backfilled by any other means but the bitterness that I have to sustain from so long; those anxious moment; those desperate effort to hide the emotions ; I guess this was worth having a go. I always heard that when it happen it just happen; this time I was witnessing and experiencing tonight through my own eyes and self but it was a total experience for the life time. That flash of moments went-by in a moment but in my heart registered an unscratched story which I will remember forever. The only hard feeling left is I made someone embarrassed for those moments. I feel truly, deeply sorry for her. May she get the best.


Disclaimer: It's a fiction.